What happened to Sam?


Gooooooood question.

To understand this, I must let you in on one of the greatest cover-ups in history . Ready?

There is no Sam. Sam actually never existed.

In 1973 what you know as “Sam” was constructed from an orange fleece, a cardboard life-sized cutout of Michael Cera, and a tape recorder that rotates between “[whatever you just said] represents blind faith in free markets” and “No way!”

(Michael Cera reference (c) Julia N. 2008 )

In the words of non-existent Sam: “No Way!”.

Way. No really — think back to all the goods times you and Sam have had. . Think hard. Did those times really happen? Or is Sam your Tyler Durden? (<– Spoiler alert) Focus … rack your brain .. were you really laughing on cue next to Sam in the SY dining Hall? Because ask anyone who was there — all they could hear was Jayson.

You probably have a lot of questions at this point. But the first surely is: “Does this mean that Jiardia story from Mory’s is fake?” I’m sad to report that it is. The waters off Cuba are as clean as ever.

So who’s been writing Sam’s blog posts? The duty is shared by Fidel Castro (still alive and using this blog as a smoke screen), Thomas Friedman, the Nicaraguan Furniture Lobby ….. and in posts with arbitrary links to my articles .. by me.

Why did the charade have to end? It had gone on far too long. In the spirit of Scott McClellan, it’s time to stop lying to everyone. And besides, we can do without “Sam” right? … right …..

… right?


(The Hand misses your delicate caress, Sam).



4 Responses to “What happened to Sam?”

  1. Sam Says:

    No way!

  2. Sam Says:

    Your post represents blind faith in the free market

  3. Jana Says:

    THE ORANGE FLEECE!! Totally brilliant! I was laughing so hard I could barely read the post out loud to Julia. I cried, just a little.

  4. Julia Says:

    It’s true: we laughed; we cried; we cooked with horseradish, natch. Thanks for the footnote w/ intellectual copyright.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: