Building a better prostitution ring

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According to our blog stats readership has fallen off of late. After an emergency meeting in Ecuador and 72 consecutive hours of econometric analysis and review of possible options (all barefoot), Sam and I have formulated the following growth strategy:

The next post needs to be about Eliot Spitzer instead of global poverty and development.

Now I know what you, the faithful reader, are saying.
1) “Guys you really are selling out here”
2) “Guys, you are way late on the Spitzer boat. Every angle has been covered already”

We would answer this way: Yes and Yes. You, the faithful reader, are absolutely correct on both counts.

But how can we resist? The Spitzer saga has something for everyone. The more Humanist among us delve into the rough Jersey upbringing of Ashley Alexandra Dupre and the faithful, stone gaze of Silda. The Superficial among us can’t get enough of the kinky details (because you’re ugly). The audiophile now has this wonderful track on their 80gb iPod.

But what’s in it for the hands-in-pants economist wannabe though? Clearly… the inner workings of a prostitution ring!

So here it goes: My angle on Spitzer v. World — How to build a better prostitution ring.

_____________________________________________________________________________

What do your customers want? This is the first question any business needs to ask of itself. For the client of a high-end brothel, there are two primary needs

1) Discreteness and minimization of the probability of being caught
2) Quality/beauty of prostitute

The first need vastly outweighs the second for the types of client the Emperor’s club serves (wealthy, famous, plenty to lose). I want to point out the shortcomings of the Emperor’s Club in providing for the first need and conversely describe how a better and more profitable prostitution ring would be run.

Some details from news reports

Detail number 1: “There were irregularities going from the ATM machines in accounts and the banking accounts had a lot of irregularities, and that’s how this case started.”

Now if Client 9 had paid for his $1,000/hour services with a prepaid credit card would he have gone under the radar?”

McDonalds always says they are a “real estate business that also sells hamburgers” . Prostitution rings should consider themselves a “money laundering business that also provides hookers.” Eliot Spitzer got nailed trying to launder his own money! Why wasn’t the prostitution ring providing that service for him?!? At the very least, why wasn’t he handed a “Laundering Money for Dummies” guide? Does the Emperor’s Club really expect of each of its customers to figure this out on their own? Not only does it put themselves at risk — they give up the opportunity to provide a premium service.  Here’s a real value proposition: “Hi, we do care about your kinky fantasies, but discretion is yours and our first priority. Let me walk you through the steps we take to protect your identity so that your wife/husband/constituency never find out about your weakness. And Mr Spitzer, we realize we cost more than some of our competitors. That extra money is invested in ensuring you and I are the only one’s who ever know about this.”

Detail number 2: “There was some discussion at the prostitution office about whether the $400 credit Client 9 had left over with the company was enough to send him a girl, even if his deposit didn’t arrive. It was decided that no, that wasn’t enough.”

Appartantly, the Emperor´s club requires loyal, wealthy and famous clients such as Spitzer to front the money! No no no no no! Front the hooker! Let him pay over time. Not only is money laundering easier that way, the man is 100% credit worthy (wealth aside).  Emperor’s Club has him by the balls. If he doesn’t pay, an unmarked video tap arrives at the NYTimes. Now that´s leverage. Let him put the hooker on layaway.

Detail number 3: “Spitzer, who arrived in Washington on a state plane after a trip upstate, called hooker booker Temeka Lewis and said in a taped call he had gone to the hotel and rented room 871 on the VIP club floor.”

Why is Spitzer making his own hotel arrangements? C’mon people! Do it for him — save him the trouble and the risk. And then mark-up the hotel rate. Everyone comes away happy.

Bottom line: High-end brothels with high-end hookers should come with high-end service and high-end protection. Not to mention high-end prices. Someone with some business acumen needs to get into that business. It’s amateur hour out there. 

And given that 5% or so of senators/congresspeople/governers are getting caught in this sort of thing, at least half of them are probably doing it and just haven’t been found out yet. That’s a big market of creeps and scumbags to tap into.

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